{"id":3518,"date":"2019-10-25T15:17:48","date_gmt":"2019-10-25T15:17:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/?p=3518"},"modified":"2019-11-16T04:21:35","modified_gmt":"2019-11-16T04:21:35","slug":"from-the-interview-series-building-bridges-with-our-stories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/from-the-interview-series-building-bridges-with-our-stories\/","title":{"rendered":"Building bridges with our stories: Nancy from Mexico"},"content":{"rendered":"

Nancy from Mexico shares 3 secrets that made her bicultural marriage a big love story<\/h2>\n

Sharing our personal stories and learning from each other is the most powerful way to find inspiration, community and growth. Gain a fresh perspective and expand your horizon!<\/em><\/h3>\n

(versi\u00f3n original en espa\u00f1ol m\u00e1s abajo)<\/em><\/p>\n

Nancy, tell us where you are from and what motivated you to emigrate to Germany.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

I am Mexican, born in Mexico City. Although my husband is German, I must confess that emigrating to Germany was not in my plans at first. My husband worked in Mexico for three years, three wonderful years we spent together in Mexico. He loved the country, he adapted very much to the Mexican culture, he speaks Spanish fluently, he loved the weather, the food and, for those and other reasons, I thought that the possibility of staying forever in Mexico was quite large. But at the time when my husband wanted to grow professionally, he did not find opportunities in my country and that was when the idea of \u200b\u200btrying our luck in Germany began to take shape.<\/p>\n

So I can say that there are two things that motivated me to emigrate to Germany: the first is love, and the other is what normally motivates me in all the decisions that are important in my life:<\/p>\n

The fear of “what if”. I don’t like the idea of \u200b\u200basking myself one day what would have happened if I had done this or that.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I don’t like the idea of \u200b\u200basking myself one day what would have happened if I had done this or that.<\/p>\n

In addition to that, I thought it was important and above all fair, to get to know what life is like in my partner’s country, to give his culture a chance, to understand it and to learn from it as he did with mine. After all, he had also left everything and everyone behind to be with me. And I believe that sharing that experience – with everything that is enjoyed and suffered – has brought us together more, has made us understand each other better.<\/p>\n

What do you value most about your bicultural marriage?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Respect.<\/p>\n

I greatly appreciate the way in which we have been able to maintain respect for our cultures and reach agreements without making the other renounce their beliefs and customs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What were the biggest challenges?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

I think we have had two major challenges.<\/p>\n

People who leave their country of origin – for whatever reason – go through migratory grief<\/strong> and that is very difficult to understand if you have not lived it. That was one of the biggest challenges.<\/p>\n

Nostalgia appears, the feeling of loneliness and an exaggerated idealization of our country of origin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I remember that at first it seemed to me that everything, absolutely everything, was better in my country, comparisons were the order of the day and that, for our partner, can be something very difficult to understand and can even become very exhausting . The person who did not leave his country can start taking everything personally, ends up isolating himself and the first big problems appear.<\/p>\n

Also, a lack of identity<\/strong> appears in the migrant. In time I realized that not only did I miss my country and everything I knew, I also missed myself, the one I was. I was again like a little girl who needed to be taught from the language, how to move around the city, to translate the labels of the products in the super market, a girl who depended on others, and especially her partner, to do many things. Let\u2019s not even begin talking about undergoing the paperwork and revalidation of studies or career. Suddenly I was not the same, suddenly I was nothing. This is somewhat heavy. That’s why I say that I believe that the fact that we both went through the same experience made us understand each other much better, we were more patient and knew that it is a process.<\/p>\n

The second big challenge came when we became parents<\/strong>. The arrival of our daughters was another shake. There is an unconscious (and sometimes conscious) tendency to impose one’s own point of view, customs and beliefs when it comes to the education of children.<\/p>\n

A bicultural couple needs to agree on the beliefs and way of life that they want to convey to their children and for this it is necessary to have a broad, respectful and sincere communication channel.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And it is not simple. And if we start to think that ours (Mexican woman and German man living in Germany) is one of many constellations that exist, we don’t finish. We can also have a French woman with a Spanish man living in England, or a Mexican woman with a Greek man living in Greece etc., and when there are children involved, the matter gets even more interesting.<\/p>\n

How did you overcome them?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

The first challenge, the one of the migratory grief, was with time and with support, understanding and empathy of my husband. It was a very long process. Another thing that really helped me to \u201cget there\u201d, to really feel that I was already where I had to be, was the arrival of my first daughter. When this whole matter stopped being about me, my nostalgia, my identity, my grief, when there was now a daughter involved, I could see that not everything was as I thought. Not everything was better in Mexico, especially in the aspect of motherhood and social security, unfortunately, which makes me very sad.<\/p>\n

But I could see things differently and by changing my perspective, it changed my life.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The second challenge, the education of our daughters, I consider as overcome and here are three aspects that have contributed to this:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The principles and values \u200b\u200bof my husband and mine are the same<\/strong>, and I believe that when that is the case, you are already on the other side. The other “details”, we have arranged with a lot of communication and openness. My husband has always been very respectful of my beliefs, of the Mexican culture, I respect and admire the German culture too and that helps a lot to reach agreements.<\/li>\n
  2. My husband and I speak the same language<\/strong>, that is, I speak German and he speaks Spanish and, amazingly enough, this is something that can make a big difference when it comes to reaching agreements, expressing and understanding feelings, ideas, wishes and also when it comes to educating children. I have heard cases of people who feel isolated from the education of their children when the spouse speaks to the children in a language he or she does not understand.<\/li>\n
  3. The support of our families<\/strong>. We have the great fortune of having families that respect our decisions regarding the bicultural education of our daughters, and not only respect them, but also admire the other culture. I am lucky to have in-laws and other family members that are proud to have granddaughters, nieces, great-grandchildren whith a different cultural education, who are growing up with two languages, who live within two worlds. My in-laws and my sister-in-law say that it is the greatest treasure I can pass on to them. And my family completely agrees. When the two families get together, there is a very nice atmosphere of affection, openness, respect and interest in each other, of ways of thinking, of living, and this facilitates and enriches my daughters’ bicultural education. Now they even translate the conversations between the Mexican and German families!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    What advice would you give to a compatriot (or “your younger self”?) who just arrived in Germany?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

    I would tell them that what they are living is a process, that they should allow their feelings to flow, that the do not fight against it, that they should not be reluctant, that they should not pay attention to what people will say, that they listen to their heart, that they get informed, and above all, that it is ok to ask for help, also professional help.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Something I would have liked at that time was to be able to find a psychologist or therapist who spoke Spanish. When I arrived in Germany, I did not speak German well so you can imagine how difficult it was for me to encourage myself to go to therapy in a language I did not master. Now there are more resources, for example, there are even therapists in Mexico giving remote consultation via Skype. I feel that now there is much more information and the work that you carry out with Chameleon, Wiebke, is a great help for expat in their adaptation process and for their emotional health.<\/p>\n

    Thank you so much, Nancy, for sharing your valuable experience with us.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n

    Nancy comparte 3 secretos del matrimonio bicultural y una gran historia de amor<\/h2>\n

    Compartir nuestras historias personales y aprender unos de otros es la forma m\u00e1s poderosa de encontrar inspiraci\u00f3n, comunidad y crecimiento. \u00a1Adquiere una nueva perspectiva y expande tu horizonte!<\/em><\/h3>\n

    Nancy, cu\u00e9ntanos de d\u00f3nde eres y qu\u00e9 te motiv\u00f3 a emigrar a Alemania.<\/strong><\/h4>\n

    Soy Mexicana, nacida en la Ciudad de M\u00e9xico. Aunque mi esposo es Alem\u00e1n, debo confesar que el emigrar a Alemania no estaba en mis planes en un principio. Mi esposo trabaj\u00f3 en M\u00e9xico durante tres a\u00f1os, tres maravillosos a\u00f1os que pasamos juntos en M\u00e9xico. A \u00e9l le encantaba el pa\u00eds, se adapt\u00f3 mucho a la cultura Mexicana, habla fluidamente el Espa\u00f1ol, le encantaba el clima, la comida y, por \u00e9sas y otras razones, yo pensaba que la posibilidad de quedarnos para siempre en M\u00e9xico era bastante grande. Pero en el momento en que mi esposo quiso crecer profesionalmente, no encontr\u00f3 las oportunidades en mi pa\u00eds y fue entonces cuando la idea de probar suerte en Alemania comenz\u00f3 a tomar forma. As\u00ed que puedo decir que son dos cosas las que me motivaron a emigrar a Alemania: la primera es el amor, y la otra es lo que normalmente me motiva en todas las decisiones que son importantes en mi vida:<\/p>\n

    El miedo al \u201chubiera\u201d. No me agrada la idea de preguntarme un d\u00eda qu\u00e9 hubiera pasado si hubiera hecho tal o cual cosa.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Adem\u00e1s de \u00e9so, cre\u00ed importante y sobre todo justo, el conocer la vida en el pa\u00eds de mi pareja, darle una oportunidad a su cultura, conocerla y aprender de ella como \u00e9l lo hizo con la m\u00eda. Despu\u00e9s de todo, \u00e9l tambi\u00e9n hab\u00eda dejado a todo y a todos para estar conmigo. Y creo que el compartir esa experiencia -con todo lo que se disfruta y se sufre- nos ha unido m\u00e1s, nos ha hecho entendernos mejor.<\/p>\n

    Qu\u00e9 es lo que m\u00e1s valoras de tu matrimonio bicultural?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

    El respeto.<\/p>\n

    Valoro mucho la forma en la que hemos podido mantener el respeto a nuestras culturas y llegar a acuerdos sin hacer que el otro renuncie a sus creencias y costumbres.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Cuales fueron los mayores retos?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

    Me parece que hemos tenido dos grandes retos.<\/p>\n

    Las personas que abandonan su pa\u00eds de origen -por la raz\u00f3n que sea – pasan por un duelo migratorio<\/strong> y eso es algo muy dif\u00edcil de entender si no lo has vivido. \u00c9se fue uno de los m\u00e1s grandes retos.<\/p>\n

    Aparece la nostalgia, la sensaci\u00f3n de soledad y una idealizaci\u00f3n exagerada de nuestro pa\u00eds de origen.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Yo recuerdo que al principio a m\u00ed me parec\u00eda que todo, absolutamente todo, era mejor en mi pa\u00eds, las comparaciones estaban al orden del d\u00eda y \u00e9so, para nuestra pareja, puede ser algo muy dif\u00edcil de comprender e incluso puede llegar a ser muy desgastante. La persona que no dej\u00f3 su pa\u00eds puede tomarse todo personal, termina aisl\u00e1ndose y aparecen los primeros grandes problemas.<\/p>\n

    Aparece tambi\u00e9n una falta de identidad<\/strong> en el migrante. Con el tiempo me di cuenta que no s\u00f3lo extra\u00f1aba a mi pa\u00eds y todo lo que conoc\u00eda, tambi\u00e9n me extra\u00f1aba a m\u00ed, la que yo era. Volv\u00ed a ser como una ni\u00f1a peque\u00f1a que necesitaba que le ense\u00f1aran desde el idioma, hasta c\u00f3mo moverse por la ciudad, que le tradujeran las etiquetas de los productos en el super mercado, una ni\u00f1a que depend\u00eda de los dem\u00e1s , y sobre todo de su pareja, para hacer muchas cosas. De hacer tr\u00e1mites y revalidaci\u00f3n de estudios o de carrera, mejor ni hablamos. De repente no era la misma, de repente no era nada. \u00c9so es algo fuerte. Por \u00e9so digo que yo creo que el hecho de que los dos pasamos por esa experiencia, nos hizo comprendernos mucho mejor, tenernos paciencia y saber que se trata de un proceso.<\/p>\n

    El segundo gran reto vino cuando nos convertimos en padres<\/strong>. La llegada de nuestras hijas fue otra sacudida. Hay una tendencia inconsciente (y a veces consciente) a imponer el propio punto de vista, las propias costumbres y creencias cuando se trata de la educaci\u00f3n de los hijos.<\/p>\n

    Una pareja bicultural necesita ponerse de acuerdo en las creencias y forma de vida que le quiere transmitir a sus hijos y para ello es necesario tener un canal de comunicaci\u00f3n amplio, respetuoso y sincero.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Y no es nada sencillo. Y si nos ponemos a pensar que la nuestra (mujer mexicana y hombre alem\u00e1n viviendo en Alemania) es una de muchas constelaciones que existen, pues no acabamos. Tambi\u00e9n podemos tener a una mujer francesa con un hombre espa\u00f1ol que viven en Inglaterra, o una mujer mexicana con un hombre griego viviendo en Grecia, etc, etc.\u00a0 y cuando hay hijos de por medio, ah\u00ed se pone interesante el asunto.<\/p>\n

    C\u00f3mo los superaste?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

    El primer reto, el del duelo migratorio, fue con el tiempo y con el apoyo, la comprensi\u00f3n y la empat\u00eda de mi esposo. Fue un proceso muy largo. Otra cosa que me ayud\u00f3 a realmente \u201cllegar\u201d, a realmente sentir que ya estaba en donde ten\u00eda que estar, fue la llegada de mi primera hija. Cuando todo este asunto dej\u00f3 de tratarse de m\u00ed, de mi nostalgia, de mi identidad, de mi duelo, cuando ya hab\u00eda una hija de por medio, pude ver que no todo era como yo cre\u00eda. No todo era mejor en M\u00e9xico, sobre todo en el aspecto de la maternidad y seguridad social, desgraciadamente, cosa que me pone muy triste.<\/p>\n

    Pero pude ver las cosas de diferente manera y al cambiar mi perspectiva, cambi\u00f3 mi vida.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    El segundo reto, el de la educaci\u00f3n de nuestras hijas, lo considero tambi\u00e9n superado y aqu\u00ed hay tres aspectos que han contribuido a que as\u00ed sea:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Los principios y valores de mi esposo y los m\u00edos son los mismo<\/strong>s, y creo que cuando \u00e9so es as\u00ed, ya est\u00e1s del otro lado. Los otros \u201cdetalles\u201d, los hemos arreglado con mucha comunicaci\u00f3n y apertura. Mi esposo siempre ha sido muy respetuoso de mis creencias, de la cultura Mexicana, yo respeto y admiro mucho a la cultura Alemana tambi\u00e9n y \u00e9so ayuda much\u00edsimo a llegar a acuerdos.<\/li>\n
    2. Mi esposo y yo hablamos el mismo idioma<\/strong>, es decir, yo hablo Alem\u00e1n y \u00e9l habla Espa\u00f1ol y, parece mentira, pero es algo que puede marcar una gran diferencia a la hora de llegar acuerdos, de expresar y entender sentimientos, ideas, deseos y tambi\u00e9n a la hora de educar a los hijos. He escuchado casos de personas que se llegan a sentir aisladas de la educaci\u00f3n de sus hijos cuando el c\u00f3nyugue les habla a los ni\u00f1os en un idioma que \u00e9l o ella no entiende.<\/li>\n
    3. El apoyo de nuestras familias.<\/strong> Tenemos la inmensa fortuna de tener familias que respetan nuestras decisiones en cuanto a la educaci\u00f3n bicultural de nuestras hijas y no s\u00f3lo las respetan sino que tambi\u00e9n admiran a la otra cultura. Tengo la dicha de tener una familia pol\u00edtica que siente orgullo de tener a nietas, sobrinas, bisnietas que tienen una educaci\u00f3n cultural diferente, que est\u00e1n creciendo con dos idiomas, que conviven con dos mundos. Mis suegros y mi cu\u00f1ada dicen que es el mayor tesoro que les puedo heredar. Y mi familia es exactamente de la misma opini\u00f3n. Cuando las dos familias se re\u00fanen, hay un ambiente muy bonito de cari\u00f1o, apertura, respeto e inter\u00e9s del uno por el otro, de las formas de pensar, de vivir y \u00e9sto facilita y enriquece la educaci\u00f3n bicultural de mis hijas. \u00a1Ahora hasta ellas traducen las conversaciones entre la familia Mexicana y la Alemana!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Qu\u00e9 consejo le dar\u00edas a una compatriota (o \u201cyour younger self\u201d?) que reci\u00e9n lleg\u00f3 a Alemania?<\/strong><\/h4>\n

      Le dir\u00eda que lo que vive es un proceso, que deje fluir lo que siente, que no luche contra ello, que no se resista, que no ponga atenci\u00f3n al qu\u00e9 dir\u00e1 la gente, que escuche a su coraz\u00f3n, que se informe y, sobre todo, que se vale pedir ayuda, tambi\u00e9n ayuda profesional.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      F\u00edjate que algo que me hizo falta en aqu\u00e9l tiempo fue el poder encontrar a un psic\u00f3logo(a) o terapeuta que hablara Espa\u00f1ol.\u00a0 Cuando llegu\u00e9 a Alemania, yo no hablaba bien Alem\u00e1n entonces te imaginar\u00e1s lo dif\u00edcil que era para m\u00ed animarme a ir a terapia en un idioma que no dominaba. Ahora ya hay m\u00e1s medios, por ejemplo, hay incluso terapeutas en M\u00e9xico dando consulta a distancia por Skype. Siento que ahora hay mucha m\u00e1s informaci\u00f3n y la labor que t\u00fa llevas a cabo con Chameleon, Wiebke, es una gran ayuda para la adaptaci\u00f3n de un expat y para su salud emocional.<\/p>\n

      Muchas gracias, Nancy, por haber compartido tus valiosas experiencias con nosotros.
      \n<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Nancy from Mexico shares 3 secrets that made her bicultural marriage a big love story Sharing our personal stories and learning from each other is the most powerful way to find inspiration, community and growth. Gain a fresh perspective and expand your horizon! (versi\u00f3n original en espa\u00f1ol m\u00e1s abajo) Nancy, tell us where you are from and what motivated you to emigrate to Germany. I… <\/p>\n

      Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3519,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[183],"tags":[193,198,186,130,197,192,195,89,191,201,199,31,184,187,196,190,200,188,194,189,185,30],"class_list":["post-3518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interview-series","tag-alemania","tag-ausland","tag-bicultural","tag-building-bridges-en","tag-deutscheinmexiko","tag-deutschland","tag-expand-your-horizon","tag-expat-en","tag-germany","tag-global-nomad","tag-immigrant","tag-intercultural","tag-interview","tag-marriage","tag-mexicanos-en-alemania","tag-mexico","tag-migration","tag-mutual","tag-new-perspective","tag-respect","tag-storytelling","tag-third-culture-kids","is-cat-link-line-before"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3518","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3518"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3518\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3540,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3518\/revisions\/3540"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3519"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3518"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3518"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chameleon-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3518"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}