Covid-19 has impacted our lives substantially, already forcing us to change how we work, socialize, travel, parent, and almost everything else. The black lives matter movement is yet another wakeup call to stop looking away. Looking away from issues that are seemingly not in our control or responsibility. Yet they are. Racism, wars, refugees, human rights, animal rights, climate change, … the list is long and terrifying.

Like many, I have repeatedly been feeling waves of overwhelm and “Weltschmerz” (world pain) lately.

I remind myself that feeling overwhelmed is completely ok, it’s important to allow ourselves to feel these emotions. Only then, as we move through our emotions, we can regain clarity and our sanity. We can start to realize our potential and what our role is in all this. With patience and self-compassion, we move through this life-long journey of learning and growing. And having parts of our identity questioned so fundamentally as we are experiencing it these past months, is hard. It sucks to be honest. That’s why it’s such a good strategy to work on our resilience.

When it rains, it pours.

That’s how 2020 has felt so far for many. The good news is that there is always something we can do to cope better even in the roughest of times. In the following paragraphs, let us explore the 7 keys of resilience where I will also offer some reflective questions and exercises. If you want to know more details how resilient you are, there are quite a few self-tests on the internet. I’d also love to hear your thoughts, suggestions and learn from your experiences in the comments.

Key #1: Acceptance

Accept what is. Only when you acknowledge and accept a crisis, you can start dealing with it. Accept that change is a natural part of life and a crisis represents a phase that you are able to overcome. Accept that there isn’t always a solution. When you are resilient you recognize when that is. And you know that not every question has an answer.

BUT – We must make sure to differentiate. If a system, society, or country has structural/systemic problems, we are not going to solve them by toughening up and working on our individual resilience. These problems must be dealt with from the root and on a systemic level. Otherwise, we would even encourage the continuance of such malpractice.

How to practice acceptance

• Describe what bothers you and what it is that you don’t want to accept.
• Estimate in % how much energy you waste every day by working around the problem.
• Estimate on a scale from 1 to 10 how much better you would feel if the problem wouldn’t exist.
• Pick one specific aspect (e.g. “My neighbor never greets back, he hates me and it annoys me every day”) and make it your mission to practice acceptance with it.
• Change perspective, become a neutral observer, and reframe that aspect (“my neighbor doesn’t greet back, maybe he’s just shy”)
• Check in again with your emotions on a scale from 1 to 10. Any better?

Keep practicing to build your resilience!

Key #2: Optimism

Resilient people expect that they have what it takes to overcome a difficult or stressful phase. Afterwards they feel more confident about dealing with crisis in the future which makes the more optimistic. Optimism encourages you to make the most of each situation and will empower you to keep looking for solutions, whereas a pessimist would have already given up.

Can optimism be trained? Yes, absolutely! Optimism and pessimism are learned mental attitudes created by our experiences and our beliefs.

Try these exercises for more optimism:

• Focus on your strengths
• When facing a problem, consider your options. Don’t give up easily, come up with even more options.
• Develop a “yes we can” attitude
• Don’t be afraid of mistakes
• Avoid the company of pessimists
• Identify your limiting beliefs, re-write them into positive affirmations and read them out loud every day
• Before going to sleep, make a list of all the positive things that happened on that day.

Practice and enjoy your new outlook on life!

Key #3: Solution orientation

When we are faced with a problem, it often generates resistance at first. An unhealthy reaction would be to ignore the problem completely or make it so big that it is now seemingly impossible to deal with. A resilient person has a growth mindset. You view a problem as a challenge and an opportunity to learn. Then you are able to become active and think of ways to solve the problem.

You can practice embracing the journey of growth by asking yourself these questions:

• What could be the good about this problem? For me or others?
• What can I learn from this?
• What do I want instead? Which positive goal is behind that?
• How would it be if I had already solved the problem and reached that positive goal instead. How would I have done it?
• So what are my first next steps to get rid of the problem?

Let me know your thoughts, also from a cultural perspective. In Germany, we use the world problem in everyday language, but I know in other cultures it is a “forbidden” word. Also, solution orientation seems like a very Anglo-German concept. I’d love to hear your insights!

Key #4: Take responsibility

Taking responsibility starts by realizing that your choices and actions have consequences – for others, but also for yourself.

Before you can start to assume responsibility externally, you have to work through the reflective process yourself.

It is so much easier to blame others or the circumstances for your problem but that is not a helpful attitude when you want to find a solution. Strengthen your resilience by identifying your share of the problem or situation.

Don’t ask, “Who is to blame?” but “How do we fix it?”

Some tips

• practice self-care: acknowledge your needs as well as your boundaries
• practice self-acceptance: accept yourself and your life exactly as they are at this moment in time
• examine your expectations
• take a deep look within to find those parts of yourself that are resistant to change
• don’t be afraid to admit mistakes to yourself and others and learn from failure

These tips are easily said but they are actually hard and continuous work. Consider working with a coach who can guide you and get you started on your journey to more resilience. You already have what it takes to tackle any crisis. As coaches, all we do is help you connect to your inner strength.

Key #5: Get rid of the victim mentality

The advantage resilient people have is that they do not only focus their attention on other people or the circumstances, but first of all on themselves. They don’t see themselves as a victim. Instead, they focus on what they can control and deal with the situation actively in order to change it in their favor.

Some events in life are completely beyond our control, such as the passing of a loved one for example. And yet, you are in control of the way you deal with it: how you grieve, what meaning you ascribe to it, where you direct your focus and what your next steps will be.

How to practice it:

Remind yourself that each day you can make a conscious choice for changing something in your life. You don’t have to be the same person you were yesterday.

When you wake up, ask yourself

• What do I want to do today?
• How do I want to see myself today?
• What should I care about today?
• Who do I want to be today?

To increase your focus, set small, realistic goals for the day. They will help you look forward and not get stuck in the past. Each goal you reach will make you feel successful and happy, motivating you to go for bigger goals. Over time you will realize what really matters, what makes you happy and what makes you strong.

Key #6: Future orientation

Take your future into your own hands by being intentional and taking action to realize your plans. If you want to move into the right direction, you need clear goals. As you actively work on your goals, you will start seeing many more opportunities opening up and paving the path to reach them.

Use different strategies for short, medium and long-term planning. In order to be able to react in a situation-elastic – and thus resilient – manner, medium-term goals are needed for orientation. At the same time, however, there is enough scope for situational adjustments if the circumstances change. E.g.:

• What are my ultra-short-term goals in 30 days?
• My short-term goals – in 30 weeks?
• My medium-term goals – in 30 months?
• And my long-term goals that I want to have achieved in 30 years?

Set your goals consciously, set priorities and check in every now and then whether your priorities have changed.

Key #7: Networking

Humans are wired for social interaction. Good social relationships are vital and represent one of the most valuable resources for inner resilience. Having a stable social environment, maintaining contacts and getting support in the face of challenges are healthy behaviors that can be used in critical situations.

Are you an introvert and the word networking makes you feel uncomfortable? Don’t worry, what matters is the quality of the relationships, not the quantity.

Tips to increase the quality of your relationships:

• develop a mindset of generous giving and receiving
• be attentive, respectful, open and kind
• practice active listening and empathy
• have appreciative and constructive conversations

Work with me

I am an Intercultural Trainer and Coach based in Hannover/Germany. I support expats and their partners throughout the different phases of expatriation and re-entry. Through my work, I help my clients work effectively across cultures, find purpose and fulfillment in their new environment and offer guidance on how to raise healthy Third Culture Kids. I will make sure that your expat assignment is an enriching experience for all family members. If you are transitioning during Covid-19, these resilience strategies will hopefully be a useful starting point. Consider working through this extra tough transition with my guidance and support. Get in touch with me to schedule a free discovery call and let’s get started!

In July 2019, I shared a selection of what I consider the most insightful cultural dimensions on my Instagram account. I felt that before looking deeper into a specific cross-cultural situation, it is important to learn about the main cultural differences that can be found across the globe. The so-called dimensions are exactly that, dimensions, a range, no absolute figures, no fixed point on a scale. They help us give a general orientation on what we could expect in a cross-cultural encounter and offer us a framework to become more aware of our own cultural imprint and personal preferences.

Dimensions say absolutely nothing about any individual or a specific situation, so be careful when applying them, they are only part of the story. Always make sure to also consider the context and the individual personality of the person involved. Be open, listen, ask questions, learn and then draw your conclusions.

I decided to put all six Instagram posts together in one document and share this with you in the resource section of my website (free download here). It is to give you a first overview on some of the concepts that we work with in intercultural training. If you want to find out more, I recommend you check the literature that I am referring to. Each dimension includes an explanation, an example and a reflective question. You are welcome to use this material wherever it may be helpful, just mention the source. Enjoy the read!

Communication

It’s all about communication, isn‘t it? And it’s the hardest. Look at how we sometimes struggle to communicate in our own culture (thinking of how hard this can be in a partnership!). No need to say that cultural factors make it a lot more complex.

An example: When I offer my Persian friend a cup of tea, in the first attempt she will decline, because that is a sign of good manners in her culture. As someone from a low context culture, I would take her words literally, not pour her any tea and not ask again. She might be shocked, because in her culture, people ask several times and then you say yes. If you are unaware of all this context, you will not get the cues. And that Persian friend will go home thirsty and think what a strange, unfriendly culture this is.

The dimensions “low context” and “high context” were described by the American anthropologist and cross-cultural researcher Edward T. Hall in the 1950s. Low context cultures need very little context to communicate. They say explicitly what the mean and they mean what they say. High context cultures give a lot more importance to the context and the actual words can only be interpreted correctly with that context.

Both types have their pro’s and con’s. There is no right or wrong, better or worse. The tricky part is that we are often not aware of these differences and then make the mistake of reading the other person’s communication in the same way that we are used to. We see things from our own cultural perspective, and we tend to think it is the “best” way to do it. This is called ethnocentrism and leads to a lot of – often very painful – cross-cultural misunderstandings.

Reflective question: Which type are you and have you experienced a painful misunderstanding due to these different communication styles?

Concepts of time

As we all learned in school, time is relative! here are many different concepts of time. Edward T. Hall, the American anthropologist I already mentioned yesterday, laid the foundation of how we look at time from an intercultural perspective today. He has observed two different main societal approaches to time: monochronic time cultures and polychronic time cultures. E. T. Hall makes it clear that these two types do not mix, it’s either one or the other. A tough pill to swallow, especially when you are working across cultures and want to build bridges to foster a good collaboration. But I have a nice example how good collaboration can work.

Monochronic cultures, such as Northern Europeans, Americans or Japanese, view time as tangible and concrete. Time is precious and a system that orders life. “We speak of time as being saved, spent, wasted, lost, made up, crawling, killing and running out.” (E. T. Hall). Monochronic time perception is not natural to the human, it is learned, and the industrial revolution is considered to be one of the main drivers. Food for thought!

Polychronic cultures, mainly to be found in Southern Europe, Latin America, Africa and Middle East, but also China, take a flexible approach to time, involvement of people, and completion of transactions. They are involved in several different things at the same time (not to be confused with multi-tasking) while the focus lies much more on relationships and reacting to changing circumstances.

Example: A German friend of mine (monochronic type) wants to visit his customer in Venezuela (polychronic type). Instead of sending an email with a formal request, which in the past has led nowhere, he uses his informal network. His local agent will talk to a few people to find out if it is a good time to visit the customer. The German then flies over without having an appointment (this is unthinkable in monochronic terms!) and pays the customer a visit. He is told by the secretary that his customer is not available all day. Instead of giving up, the German comments that that’s no problem and asks if he can stay around for a while and uses the time to work on his laptop. After 2 hours the customer eventually comes out of his office and sees the German supplier. He greets him warmly, invites him to join him for lunch and spends the rest of the afternoon with him discussing business.

The way we see time goes very deep and is the source of a lot of intercultural misunderstandings. People from one type find it very hard to fully understand and embrace that there is a valid other type. Each side is very convinced that their way of dealing with time is the best way. That’s where the intercultural trainer comes in handy!

Reflective questions: Which type are you? If you have worked cross-culturally, what is your strategy for a good collaboration?

Collectivism vs. Individualism

Have you heard this joke? “If everyone thinks about themselves, then everybody is taken care of”.

Collectivism means that the wellbeing of the group comes before individual preferences. The “ingroup” is expected to look after an individual in exchange for loyalty.

Individualism focuses on personal goals and values independence and self-reliance. Belonging to a group comes second.

It is hard to describe this complex dimension with only a few words, so let me just say how important it is to explore it further. It has great influence on how we do business across cultures, it affects negotiations, decision making, motivation and many other areas. Also, on a personal level we can learn a lot about our own preferences and potential inner conflicts that we carry around.

Example: An engineer from a more individualistic society was sent to his company’s production site in a collectivistic society to find out why a certain machine has not been performing well. After analysing everything, he found it to be a human error and could narrow it down to one person who seemed to repeatedly handle the machine in a wrong way. He spoke to that person in front of everyone and explained in calm manner how it should be done right. That person’s team was shocked and she was highly ashamed and unable to improve her work. She tried to continue her work but repeated the same error again. The engineer was gradually losing his patience and became louder as he repeated his instructions. She left work early and it was unclear if she would come back at all. The engineer was puzzled and shocked about what had happened. Fortunately, the next day, the engineer apologized deeply and the matter was handled with more tactfulness. But face and trust were lost.

Reflective question: In which situations do you put the wellbeing of the group before your individual preferences? And when do you put your own interests first?

Leadership

In literature, you will find different ways of describing this dimension, I chose to follow the one used by Erin Meyer in “The Culture Map”, one of my favourite books to refer to when carrying out corporate trainings. It is closely linked to the dimension “Power Distance” coined by Hofstede and the Globe study.

Let’s start by the reflective question today: “What does a good boss look like?” Erin Meyer asks the readers in her book. Close your eyes for a moment and picture that person. Clothes, posture, facial expression, how you address that person, how he/she travels to work, etc. And now check if that person has more traits of an egalitarian or hierarchical culture:

Egalitarian cultures:

–              It’s okay to disagree with the boss openly and in public.

–              People are more likely to move to action without getting the boss’s okay.

–              If meeting with a client or supplier, there is less focus on matching hierarchical levels.

–              It’s okay to e-mail or call people several levels below or above you.

–              With clients or partners you will be seated and spoken to in no specific order.

Hierarchical cultures:

–              An effort is made to defer to the boss’s opinion especially in public

–              People are more likely to get the boss’s approval before moving to action.

–              If you send your boss, they will send their boss.

–              Communication follows the hierarchical chain.

–              With clients or partners you may be seated and spoken to in order of position.

Intercultural misunderstandings arise, when we are not aware of the different expectations that come with different concepts of leadership. An egalitarian manager might be very unsuccessful in a hierarchical culture as he might be perceived as a weak, ineffective and incompetent leader as it seems that he gives all the power to his staff. Vice versa, a hierarchical leader might be shocked by the lack of respect that egalitarian staff is showing him/her and might feel completely ignored. Also, it is crucial to understand that if you are managing people who are used to hierarchical leadership, they expect a lot more detailed instructions on the work that is expected. When you lead in egalitarian cultures, it is important to give people space to develop their own ideas.

Universalism vs. Particularism

This dimension was introduced by Fons Trompenaars, a Dutch organizational theorist and management consultant to describe the challenge of balancing rules and relationships. Or, as he calls it, “reconciling” the two. You will find many examples and strategic tips in his book “Riding the waves of culture”.

Universalism

People place a high importance on laws, rules, values, and obligations. They try to deal fairly with people based on these rules, but rules come before relationships. Typical traits: Consistency, uniform procedures, demanding of clarity, letter of the law

Particularism

People believe that each circumstance and each relationship dictates the rules that they live by. Their response to a situation may change, based on what’s happening in the moment, and who’s involved. Typical traits: flexibility, “It depends”, at ease with ambiguity, spirit of the law

Example (given by Trompenaars): “You are riding in your car driven by a close friend. He hits a pedestrian. You know he was going at least 35 miles per hour in an area of the city where the maximum allowed speed is 20 miles per hour. There are no witnesses. His lawyer says that if you testify under oath that he was driving only 20 miles per hour, it may save him from serious consequences.”

Reflective question: “What would you do in view of the obligation of a sworn witness and the obligation to your friend?”

The fascinating part of his story is what happened when he confronted different cultures with the results of the others. Both sides of the dimension concluded that the others were corrupt and that they cannot be trusted! “They always help their friends!” versus “They don’t even help their friends!”. If you are curious, watch the full Tedx Talk by Trompenaars on YouTube, it’s very funny and insightful.

Building Trust

The head or the heart? Cognitive or affective trust? This dimension is also taken from Erin Meyers “The culture map” and refers to business contexts. It is always a big topic in my Mexico trainings for Germans and vice versa!

Task-based cultures: Trust is built through business-related activities, accomplishments, skills and reliability.

Relationship-based cultures: Trust is built through sharing meals, evening drinks or visits at the coffee machine. It arises from feelings of emotional closeness, empathy, or friendship.

For a person that is used to working in a task-based culture, it can be very hard to adapt to a relationship-based business partner. A little small talk should be more than enough to get started on the actual business matters, then finish up with a quick working lunch (some sandwiches will do) and then head back to the airport for the next customer. That’s efficient, straight to the point and professional. But extensive conversations about seemingly personal topics, long lunches or dinners, several days of discussions, meetings, dinners, excursions…? That’s way too much!

On the other hand, in a relationship-based culture, the hurried behaviour of a task-based person might come across as impolite, cold and self-serving. Why the rush? First, they need to find out a bit more about this person, their way of thinking, check their ethics and if this is a person they can trust with a long-term business relationship.

To build a bridge between the two, it is recommendable to invest some extra time in a relationship-based approach. Once a good base is established, collaboration will run a lot smoother and task-based work style will be more easily accepted.

Reflective question: Make a quick list of 5 people from different areas of your life that you trust. Then think about what led you to trust them.

Here are the 5 essential steps that you need to take to develop your cultural intelligence:

1. Know yourself better

Start with yourself. Become aware of your personal preferences and your cultural imprint. Do you prefer to communicate directly or indirectly? Do you prefer a linear, structured work schedule or a more flexible one? How do you build trust? Through accomplishments or relationships? How much personal space feels natural to you?

The tricky part is that we all have blind spots. Our own culture is so natural to us that we don’t even realize that there can be different ways of thinking and making sense of the world. Become aware of your unconscious biases. The internet is filled with great infografics on the types of unconscious bias that exist.

2. Grow your awareness of others

Learn to change perspectives. Start by growing your knowledge about other cultures, their values and customs. A great way to start and to demystify over-simplified stereotypes is to be open-minded and interact with people from a different culture, gender, age, martial status, social class, profession, etc. Travelling and working abroad will accelerate the process, but only if you escape your cultural bubble.

Shift from only seeing through your own cultural lens to using different lenses and thus taking on a broader worldview. Practise empathy and put yourself in other people’s shoes. Go beyond and also try to grasp how the shoes feel with the other person’s feet. Imagine how you would assess a certain situation if you had grown up the same way and received the same cultural education as the other person. Think about how others may perceive you.

3. Interact mindfully

When you interact with different cultures, you will be facing many awkward situations – I guarantee you that! When you are confronted with such a typcially ambiguous situation, you will most likely experience a cognitive dissonance, a great mental discomfort due to two competing values or beliefs. According to latest neuroscience research, our natural reaction is to fall back into our limbic or even reptilian brain functions. That could range from a highly emotional burst to a primeval fight-flight-freeze response.

The culturally intelligent person takes a moment to pause and observe objectively what’s actually happening. This is the crucial moment where you need to put your familiar reaction patterns and instincts aside and use your prefrontal cortex to make sense of a situation. Ask open questions if you are not sure if you understood the person or situation well. Practise cultural humility, appreciate the other person’s point of view, work on your ambiguity tolerance, don’t jump to any quick conclusions, give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

4. Build bridges

Now put all your insights and skills into practise. Assume responsibility and be proactive, don’t wait for the other side to go first. Be creative and come up with new constructive ways of finding common grounds. Develop your very own stategies for dealing with cultural differences so that you can communicate and work effectively across cultures while respecting both your own and the other person’s values. Even if quite painful in the beginning, you will soon be rewarded with meaningful, inspiring and enriching experiences. These will help you build valuable relationships across the globe and thrive in international contexts.

5. Never stop learning

Cultural intelligence is not acquired over night. Our world is so very big and diverse and we are on a life-long learning journey. In my experience, it is the most valuable learning journey of all. Consider cultural intelligence to be a muscle that can be trained, just like your comfort zone can be stretched. Make sure not to overstrain your muscle. The secret lies in the healthy balance of authenticity and adaptation.

Conclusions

These 5 steps are basically the essence of everything that I have learned about cultural intelligence throughout my life so far. I have gained great insights from brilliant researchers, authors and interculturalists. But most of all, I have learned from my encounters with people who are completely different than me. By talking, being curious, reflecting, wondering, laughing, crying together and never ceasing to be amazed by the great diversity on this planet.

Professional assistance

Intercultural trainers and coaches are here to guide you through your very personal intercultural learning journey. We have the knowledge, experience, tools and exercises to encourage and empower you during every step of your intercultural learning journey. Contact me at wiebke@chameleon-coaching.com for a free 30 minute telephone consultation and start your journey right away!

I consider myself a cultural chameleon because I grew up in several different countries until the age of 18, all of which are not my passport country Germany. Each culture, each move and the people I met have considerably shaped my personality, my world view and the way I navigate life. As for many with this type of international upbringing – a tribe also known as “Third Culture Kids“ – it has been one of my survival strategies to flexibly cope with change and quickly adapt to the new surroundings.

As a consequence, transition is the state in which I feel most comfortable. I consider standstill and routines as dreadful. Just like the chameleon, I feel that I am constantly growing out of my old skin. The need to keep evolving manifests itself in many different ways: a move to a new country, a new job, a new travel adventure, a new sport or basically re-inventing myself all over again. I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful family that provides and demands consistency as well as amazing friends who support me. Together, they keep me grounded and rooted.

The pace at which I ‘shed my skin’ has slowed down as I get older, but it still irritates some people around me and I get it. Just when they thought they had figured me out and can finally put me in a mental box, the next change is around the corner. But that is what makes a chameleon a chameleon: its ability to transform. Feeling comfortable with change, transition and growth are actually my superpowers and I find it very fulfilling to encourage others on their journey across cultures.